Posted in personal experiences

You might be the toxic one

I think that we always tend to blame the other person or something else for our own unhappiness. Maybe not always, but it’s a big trend in our society. Playing the blame game. You know it for sure. I mean, just look at the way many people jump to conclusion for their own issues by putting blame on anything but themselves.

Refusing to face the uncomfortable truth that you might be the problem or at least that you are somewhat responsible for a certain issue is one of the main reasons why you can’t find success in your life. Hey, we all make mistakes. This doesn’t mean that from now on, you must look at all your issues as a result of your own doing. Also, it doesn’t mean that you are a horrible person now. No! It’s just that not everything is going to be perfect.

For this post, though, I will be talking about relationships. Romantic, familial, casual…

I don’t want to give the wrong message by encouraging you to blame yourself and feel guilty about the things that go wrong in your life. Rather, I’m encouraging you to take a step further into comprehending a situation that you’re caught in and allowing yourself to see the bigger picture. Don’t focus on the little things that might be causing the problem.

In fact, your continuous refusal to face the ugly truth that perhaps it is your fault for an issue in your relationship is only going to make matters worse. Not only for yourself, but your partner as well. Victimizing yourself is such a toxic trait to have. Trust me in this. I’m sure at one point in all our lives we have victimized ourselves for various reasons. For example, your dad might say stuff like how his head hurts because of your mom’s yelling. Okay, that might sound too generalizing. But, the point is that your dad is putting all the blame on your mom. What’s probably going to happen next is that this is going to pressure your mom into thinking that she is the problem and so forth.

Then, a vicious cycle is formed.

Victimizing yourself is a trap. A TRAP! That’s also asking for pity. Do you really want that? Pity?

If you really want to keep your relationship strong and healthy, then you must realize that you are able to change your attitude for the better. Be smart, though. Don’t go around changing all the time in every relationship just because it would satisfy your partner. That’s another type of toxic trait that should be avoided. Do NOT make other people change for you.

Take charge of your own actions. Be aware of what you are saying. Stop pitying yourself and making your partner feel bad. You don’t want that. If you’re going to keep blaming all your relationship issues on your partner, then leave. You’re only going to make your partner’s life miserable. Soon as you know it, you will be feeling guilty as well.

So keep in mind that you can also be the toxic one in the relationship. Be quick to notice your toxic traits and be open about talking to your partner about it. If you don’t feel comfortable approaching your partner about this, then ask yourself if this is even right for you. It’s not healthy for either of you guys.

Believe me, you get stronger. You NEVER get weaker when realizing your own toxic traits and mistakes.


Hi! My name is Isabelle Kim. I am here to share with people about myself and my newfound passion for writing. Though, I will stumble across tons of grammatical mistakes and you’ll be noticing them too. Writing is something fun and is an expressive tool for me and I’m sure most of you can understand this. I hope to learn more about you all and for you to learn all the quirks about me🤗

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