I’ve always been told that I was too sensitive all my life. This includes other labels, such as being the crybaby. I absolutely hated being called sensitive for years. I began to notice that I was constantly told to “toughen up” because the world is not bright. The world is scary. I know. Who wouldn’t? At one point, I gave into this socially more accepting trait of being “aggressive”. Especially in my family, being tough and having less empathy was valued. Still is. It aggravates me so much.
It doesn’t make sense to me still how some people can be extremely rude and not feel that guilty about it. I’m not a saint, though I never try to hurt anybody’s feelings. I couldn’t even slap a plant when I was younger because I was afraid that plants had feelings too.
Until this year, I learned the true qualities of being kind and sensitive. It’s a strength that I am proud of. I would not have thought of this day coming when I finally accept my true self. I am done fighting to put up these fences. I want to be free and open-hearted. Putting up those fences for years and years exhausted me to the point where I had a nervous breakdown. I blamed it on others. I kept trying to convince myself that it was their fault for my bitter life.
That’s not true. You can’t blame anybody else for your own unhappiness. I’m in control of who I am and I have the ability to change myself whenever I want.
I decided to take that U-turn and start being myself again. I stopped being all smiley and bubbly to only satisfy people for approval. It was all out of fear of abandonment. I’m never going to be alone and it took me this long to make me realize this inner strength I have been carrying. I don’t care that it took me this long, though the pain was excruciating throughout those years. All I care about is that I am myself now. I am sensitive.
I can proudly scream that I am sensitive and feel no shame. Accepting myself washed away my sins of not being myself. I almost feel sad and confused that I’ve been frantic about searching myself when it was there all along. Right inside me. I had my mind and body turned away from myself the entire time. That’s why I felt so lonely all my life. Not because nobody seemed to understand me. I couldn’t understand myself, so of course no one else would be able to.
My message to whoever is reading this Whether you’re sensitive or not, it’s okay to be who you are. Being somebody else is not going to give you the pleasures that you want. All those pleasures come within your self-acceptance.
If you are not the person that you really are, then you can’t feel content or satisfied in your life. Take off that mask you’re wearing and embrace your freedom. It’s not a scary thing at all. It should be empowering.